i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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