Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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