I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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