you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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