is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
