you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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