Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
