He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I love you.
Bad choice
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
