im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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