I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
