so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
