btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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