What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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