I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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