i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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