How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How does one acquire holy water?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
