i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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