So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
