I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Its about making memories worth repressing
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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