escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
