just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
