I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
