I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
