Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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