Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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