so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
