there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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