I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
