Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
