Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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