You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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