I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
