meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
