I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
