dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
