Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
