how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Vodka?
Forever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
