hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
