i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
