i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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