If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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