i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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