You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
