The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
