it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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