who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
