If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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