Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
