I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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