someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i drank out of a bidet.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am available for nakedness
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
