But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
