Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
